Please forgive me...

Good Evening. Its been nearly 2 years since my last post. Totally forgot I even had this account.

I'll try to think of something significant to write about soon. Until then, I am, in true crazy cat lady fashion, snuggling with a cat watching sappy chick flicks on cable and considering pouring a glass of wine.

Driving Home...aka tea and cake or death

So....
I hate driving when other people are out and about too. I hate driving as far as my local grocery store (less than a 1/4 mile). I hate driving to work. I ESPECIALLY hate driving on the interstate hwy...ESPECIALLY when its raining. Did I mention I hate it?

There are several reasons tonight that I am renewing my sense of indignation against the "other" drivers out there. First let me say that I realize we all have to figure out a way to get from point a to point b. BUT not all of us should be responsible for doing said act for ourselves a metal chariot.

Unfortunately, I think most of the people who should NOT be driving actually go to my grocery store. And quite possibly drive a semi for a living when they aren't bugging me in the parking lot. more of that in a future blog.

I believe the problem all starts with a test, when a one time only cart blanch test is given to teenagers at the age of 16. kids who can barely remember to shower or brush their teeth, or where the milk is kept. We all crammed for that test and passed....eventually. And then some how, all knowledge gained in the cramming session immediately left some people's minds. And yet, we as a society have given them permission to hurl 1000 lbs of metal down the road at 60 miles per hour... wee....

Example...last fall Hurricane what's his name left most of the greater Cincinnati area in the dark ages, literally. All electrical power was gone as were the traffic light signals. When something of this nature happens you then are SUPPOSED to go to a 4 way stop protocol. Whoever gets there first, goes first. If you all show up at the same time, it goes to the person on the right. Go around the circle and figure out who that is. Sounds easy enough. However it got bad enough that the newscasters had to remind us all on a regular basis, about the protocol. Which, come to think of it, didn't exactly help much considering we were all out of power, power that controls the on and off of our beloved TVs.

Now....grant it, it was a time of rough circumstances that saw generous people in action. Just don't put them behind the wheel, mmkay?

The reason for this current rant tonight? Spending over an hour in and about the Greater Cincinnati area.

The following is a list of complaints, observances, and irritants, idiocy, etc. and a few references to Godzilla. And tea and/or cake.

1. At approximately 2:45 pm I began my journey home. I was soon stopped in traffic. Yes, ladies and gents, traffic on the back roads of NorKY. Why? Because some road repairs apparently HAD to be done at the exact same time a building of over 1600 students/teachers/staff wanted to go home. A simple 3 way stop had 20+ cars backed up in all directions.

My car tends to overheat easily. There is a belt somewhere not working. I can get by with out it working until I'm stuck not moving and then my car acts like it would prefer blowing up. So...there I sat.

2. The next issue is the encounter with the fools at the stop light. Please, when you are approaching a stop light, PLEASE for the love of tea and cake, don't pass up the white line or stop a whole car length behind the white line. There are sensors. These sensors tell the lights that you are there and might want to go forward sometime in the next decade.

3. Again, we run into the 3 way stop at a different location. Daggone it I was there first!!!!! Please do not show me your middle finger or honk your horn, or yell at me through the window when you are the one not obeying the traffic LAWS!

4. This one is for the many thousands of cities, intersections that call themselves cities in Cinci or anywhere that has a road NAME. Please make sure that the signs that actually let your drivers/visitors know where the crap they are, are readable from a short distance before off road driving becomes necessary to correct your direction. Road signs do no one any good if you can't read them!!!!! Obviously I was headed to a new place and needed to know what street I was on....before I passed it up. Which I did, several times. The road signs were lovely though. They all seemed to fit the theme of their little village and usually had very fancy letters or a fantastic tree branch in front of them. Lovely really. Tea and cake.....but not the good kind.

5. Rules of the road say, if you're gonna pass someone, pass them on the LEFT!!!! Now this means that if there is another car actually in your way on the left as well, you have to wait your turn. Really, wait, put on your brakes and think of tea or cake. Please don't use the right hand lane to get around the person in front of you. You might get crunched. Its highly likely the driver you are attempting to zoom around, is trying to get into the right hand lane to exit the highway. Not just sitting in the middle lane having tea and cake.

6. When entering an expressway, please observe the signs and directions for merging. Big word kids, i know but say it with me MERGE. Don't cut off the person in front of you who is attempting to do the same dang thing you are. Wait, and then merge, and then pass if you must. Merging and cutting off the person in front of you is not good for your car's exterior. I might just decide to merge with your door.

7. If you are one of the many truck drivers in this world, please know that I have a great deal of respect for you. Your job is not something I would want to do myself. My father, being a delivery driver for years, taught me to have a healthy respect for all vehicles larger than mine. I give most truck drivers every chance I can to give them an advantage.....flick my lights so they know its ok to get over, keep a sizable distance from them so they can see me in their rear view mirrors, etc. In general, I drive a tiny little matchbox sized car and they are driving godzilla trucks which might in deed be carrying a godzilla sized cargo. They can't stop "on a dime" as my father says. They can't make any sudden movements. They can however, step on brakes and slow down their metal death traps of doom. Which leads me to number 8.

8. No matter how fast you want to drive...if someone in front of you is going slower than your desired speed....driving so close that you couldn't fit a slice of cake or a cup of tea in between you and the car in front of you WILL NOT MAKE THAT CAR GO ANY FASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a tiny little 4 cylinder P.O.S. It is completely impossible for my car to go any faster. I'm doing the best I can. Driving your godzilla truck close enough to see how high my blood pressure is getting, is not helpful. There is a pedal that makes you slow down. Use it. You could squish me, my penny racer car, and anyone near us for that matter. Really, metal godzilla death trap drivers, I wish you would realize that it is my life in your hands, truly. Push the brake pedal, I can't get over when you've all surrounded me. I put my brake on when you want to get on the highway. Please. I prefer tea and cake, not death.

Thank you for coming to Melmart's driving school. Please come again. I'm sure I'll have more tips soon. I've got to go to the grocery store soon. blurg.

Germs. Icky, scary, unpredictalbe monsters.

Hey! Have you heard? There is a disease out there that could wipe out entire populations!
Just kidding. However, if we were to listen to the hype regarding the H1N1 virus, we are on the verge of a epidemic of epic proportions.
Great, yet another reason my fear of communicable diseases can run a muck.
As a leukemia survivor I can attest to the fact that germs were in deed a life threatening reality. During chemo my immune system was wiped out completely. Considering leukemia is a cancer of the white blood cells (germ killers) this was a necessary treatment. So, for two weeks after each treatment I lived in a virtual bubble. We even sent the cat to stay with relatives during all of this. Given my obsession with cats and that this cat was my childhood pet, I hated that.
But back to the topic.....somehow, during that time, being careful about picking up germs flipped the switch on my germ phobia. Now, I realize I have a mild version of it. I can ignore it most of the time. Put me next to someone who is sniffing, coughing, sneezing and I want to run in horror, screaming. Any mention of bodily fluids related to said actions and I want to hurl. I get a bit woozy actually.
Enter the "swine flu" hype. Since I am a teacher in a rather large public school, there is bound to be a sick child or two or 20 who think they might have this particular bug. We hadn't really had any suspicious reports though. Our administration is doing a wonderful job of providing antibacterial wipes, hand sanitizer, etc. I was SO excited the first day I went to the cafeteria and found the hand sanitizer automatic dispenser. FANTASTIC idea. I even was extremely happy to take the wipes installed in the computer lab and wipe down the computers.
However....when I came back to the choir room, there was an e-mail urging us to help keep the hype to a minimum. I try, really I do. In many situations I attempt to be the voice of reason. But today that crazy voice inside my head was yelling "SHE'S LYING!!!! SHE DOESN'T REALLY BELIEVE WHAT SHE'S SAYING!!!"
And then the school nurse came to my room to tell me to be extremely cautious about sharing pencils, pens, tissues, etc. with my students. uh oh. Does that mean there is a student of mine who has it or is being tested for it??? I asked, didn't get a clear answer. Its possible that this lovely lady was just attempting to take care of me considering my health history. She has been known to drag me to her office to get the flu shot. But after our conversation I was afraid to touch the door and the piano and the computer and the phone and.....you get the idea. I guess I'll be investing in gallons of hand sanitizer.
Oh, wait, there was just a teaser for tonight's news broadcast "Which hand sanitizers DON'T work against the swine flu, tonight at 11."
Thanks. a lot. really.

epiphany in Church

Yesterday in church I had an epiphany. So as to alleviate any confusion about the actual celebration of Epiphany I looked up the definition.

epiphany is defined by dictionary.com as "a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience."

So, my commonplace occurrence or simple experience? Listening to a nice sermon by Pastor Chris. There was one simple statement that he made and WHAMO. I'm in a full blown existential, life changing, thought tangent.

The statement was really more of a question. The basic idea was about the difference between needing to be taught a new concept or needing to simply be reminded of lessons already learned.

Now, in the context of the sermon, this was a deep question regarding faith lessons. However, my mind went to my job. I am a teacher. A choir director actually. Do I actually teach anything significant? Or am I constantly reminding students of things they are perfectly capable of grasping on their own. Especially since most of what I remind them constantly about are concepts I know they've been hearing since grade school.

For example......when to stop singing a specific note. Its easy enough? Whole notes= 4 beats. If the word you are singing has a "t" at the end of it, put the "t" on at the end of 4 beats. Easy? You'd be amazed at how many times I say something along the lines of "4 counts!!! 4 counts!!! Didn't I tell you every day for the past 3 months that that note lasts for 4 counts???" Now grant it, I've only gone off on this rant because I didn't hear said "t" and I'm tired of saying the same things over and over. But in my head I've convinced myself that either I stink as a teacher or they are lazy or morons. Or whatever. None of which are true.

Reality says, though, that these kids are intelligent, talented students. And I have somehow watered down my expectations for them. In turn they subconsciously know they don't have to think for themselves since I'll be screaming what to do later.

I challenged them today to not let this pattern continue. They seemed eager to comply. Now that I think about it, I should also apologize to them for treating them like that. Not that I'm cruel about it. I should also ask them to hold me accountable for treating them better. Because really....who wants to have such low expectations for life?

I really want to teach them new and exciting things about music. Not remind them constantly of things they definitely know. There is so much more to be enjoyed about the music we learn, I need to open their eyes and ears to those possibilities. Not hammer them over the head with elementary nuggets of knowledge that they've already acquired.

So...what percentage of our lives is spent needing to be reminded of lessons already learned and what percentage is spent learning new things?

Depressing isn't it? Or is it inspiring? Have I been inspired or kicked in the pants? Who knows...either way, I've got to look at life with this new perspective or I'll be kicking myself in the pants for slipping into old habits.

Happy Monday.

Yard Sale Madness

Welcome to the first episode of.....Who decided that was a good idea?

Today's topic......yardsales. Who came up with that idea? Pile all of your crap onto a few neatly arranged tables, slap on a sticker or sign and see who shows up.

Today marks the beginning of the "world's longest yardsale." or something like that. It goes from Covington, KY to somewhere in the Gulf of New Mexico supposedly. That's what my husband said anyway, I've never cared enough to read about it.

Yardsales have been somewhat of a mystery to me since I was a kid. My mother and grandmother LOVED to go to them. They dragged me and a few of my cousins along with them. It was always way too hot and I was never allowed to buy anything. Half of the time I never got out of the car and ended up fighting with my cousin Charlie or my sister. So, basically, I pretty much hated those days. But now that I think about it....what would I give for the chance to go on one more outing with my Granny? It would be cool though, I still miss her alot.

But back to the subject.....buying something that someone else has used...alot. Or maybe they just kept it forever and then decided to sell it to some poor sucker for a really cheap price.

So what is the appeal? Is it the cheap price? Is it the feeling of getting something for next to nothing? Or is it that we are so "stuff" oriented in the US that we feel the desire to acquire other people's "stuff." Its still a mystery.

Right now, in my very own front yard, sits a myriad of my stuff. Everything from garden tools to musty toys of my neice and nephew's infancy to books that don't have all of the pages or old candles. And people have bought A TON OF IT. Grant it, most of it is for under a dollar but still, wow.

You see, we plan to move to a smaller residence very soon. Most of the belongings in this house won't fit in the new place. We don't use most of it anyway and haven't even looked at a lot of it in years. Many things will be thrown away or given to charity. But my dear husband decided we should have a yardsale. Its been rather successful and we've only had one day of sales. The biggest hit, however, was the box of free stuff that a few young boys in the neighborhood thought was cool. I'm sure it was the idea of it being free but nonetheless, they took most of it.

My problem with all of this I guess is a fear related one. I know the condition of my basement where most of this has been stored. I don't care for basements. They are usually musty, stinky, dark, germ-infested and spider-filled. All of these things frighten me to some extent. I REALLY do not like spiders. Germs are another story entirely. More about that later. The thought of going to my basement to retrieve these items........yuck.

So, sell my stuff in exchange for a few dollars and you get the privilege of taking my stuff home, cleaning it up and calling it yours. Yeah, have fun with that.

Its not a pleasant thought really. Its a bit embarrassing. HOWEVER, if you happen to come by my yardsale and want to take some of my stuff for yourself I'll gladly put the money to good use.....I'll buy some new stuff.

So my thoughts for the day......When did it happen?

Ok, soap box alert! If you don't want to read about what's bugging me tonight, stop reading and go check out pogo.com.

I realize its been awhile since I've blogged but I haven't felt like saying anything significant until today. Today's reason? I feel like crap and people who should care...don't.

This all started last week on Friday. I woke up crazy early with an awful headache. As I became aware of the time (3am) I realized also that my entire back was in pain and I was shivering. I wasn't feeling chilled or anything. My body was basically shaking. Great, I'm getting sick.

As I stumbled my way to the kitchen I discovered hubby still awake and playing a game on my laptop. ( I've spoken earlier of his insomniac tendencies.) So, I found a thermometer and some advil. My temp was 99.3. No big deal, could be anything. So I went back to bed.

When I eventually gave up and got out of bed I decided to go visit a family member who was in the hospital. The more I was up and moving around I discovered that EVERY inch of my body ached. My thoughts went in two different directions.....

1. What the heck is wrong with me?
2. Big baby, stop being over dramatic.

Well the second thought was confirmed by my mother once I got to the hospital. We both happened to be there at the same time. The patient was sleeping peacefully so I asked my mother what she thought might be causing my symptoms. She's very good at guessing things and when we were younger we all called her Doc. But that day she told me my symptoms were because I am not getting enough exercise. Grrr. The closest I can come to describing the way I felt was the flu. I felt like I had the flu. And she says its because I've not been getting enough exercise. Grr.

At first I thought, geesz, you're right, what a pig I've turned out to be. But then I thought.....Wait, I've not been any less active that normal, as a matter of fact, I've been doing a lot of extra walking on vacations, etc. Self defeating thoughts fleeting, indignation rising. The next thought was.....Hey, you've not even been in town for 3 weeks, how do you know what I've been doing or not doing? Cue---exit stage left. I left the hospital wondering what exactly my mother thinks of me. Dangerous pathway.

By the end of the night I was having a full blown migraine, was aching absolutely everywhere and could barely move my head. Needless to say the movie we were watching, HANCOCK, was awesome but I could not focus on the last 30 minutes of it at all. Too many flashing lights, loud music. I was trying really hard to keep the DQ supper in my body.

So we bid our friends farewell and stopped at the afterhours walk-in clinic for my doctors. As it turns out, I have a UTI. Lots of infection as well as some blood.....I am a kidney stone producer. Seriously, I've had as many stones as I am old. If kidney stones were worth something like pearls are, I'd be rich.

So, an infection. Not fat lazy slob disease. Hmm. Over the course of the next few days my temp has gone up to 103 several times. Even on an antibiotic. Which to me doesn't make sense. Shouldn't a fever start to go down and then stay there if you are getting better? Apparently I'd have moments of delusions thinking I was better because my temp was 99.3 again. But then hours later it went back up to nearly 103. I don't get it. So I've spent the last 3 days on the couch covered by piles of blankies, longing for my granny to feed me some chicken noodle soup like she used to do when I was sick as a kid.

Mom's solution or answer to my fever still being high.....I shouldn't be eating sweets. Granted, I am a diabetic and high blood sugars do affect the healing process but.....really. How does she know what I'm eating and not eating?????? I don't live with her. As a matter of fact, I haven't been eating much of anything since I've had this fever.

Now this morning, she insisted that I call the doctor. Major whiplash with that directional change. So I did call explained things to the girl who answered the phone, she was polite and said she would get the message to the doctors right away. She said they even had appointments available today if they wanted to see me. That was around noon today. Its now 9:34pm. I'm glad they've gotten back to me. Oh wait...they haven't.

Now, something about me that you might not know. I can be over reactive to health issues that most people consider to be trivial or a minor inconvenience. However....as many cancer survivors can attest, you just can't shake that worry. Its been nearly 10 years since my leukemia diagnosis and I still want instant attention to my issues like they gave me when I was going through chemo. Also, I never know when an infection that goes beyond the normal path might mean a relapse.

All of these crazy things going on this week combined with going to the same hospital I received my treatments to visit someone I care for deeply. I'm not happy. And BTW why do they still have to use the same soap in the bathrooms??? I get a good whiff of that stuff when I'm washing my hands and am immediatly taken back to room 1217 with the horrible painting on the wall.

The 94 year old family member is home and doing very well considering she had both a heartattack and stroke. My temperature is basically calm now its not done much spiking. Its at a lovely 99.5.

So my thoughts for the day......When did it happen?

When did I turn into the daughter who isn't smart enough to figure out when there is something wrong with her body? Really, I'd like to know when. 10 years ago I was a mess but she was there believing everything that I told her about what I was feeling. And was so sweet about taking care of me.

So now it seems.....I have entered a new phase of life. And I don't know when it happened. Or if I could ever change it.

Its the compassion I miss. I miss it from my parents. They have yet to say anything along the lines of "I'm sorry you are going through this." In any of the major events we've been dealing with lately. Instead we get drilled with questions and silences.

So how about it readers? What shift in relationships have you been dealing with lately? Parental or other. Any words of wisdom?

I'm sorry its a downer this time. Maybe I should just go drink a gallon of water and jog my way to and from the gas station up the road.

Why Can't I Sleep?

So tomorrow I leave on a little trip. Its a nice little trip the hubby has planned for us in celebration of our wedding anniversary. I'm glad I married him 15 years ago. He's really a great guy. As I ponder the past 15 years I wonder one thing more than anything tonight.....when did our sleeping patterns flip?

Once upon a time I'd fall asleep no matter what was going on in my life... in a matter of seconds after my head hit the pillow, no matter where I was and NOTHING could wake me. Not tonight though, not really in the last month. Or maybe year. I don't know.

But now I think I'm loosing my mind. I lay down, peacefully, and suddenly EVERYTHING itches. Not everywhere all at once, that's too easy. A big toe first, then my arm, then the other foot, then my scalp, then my hands feel like they are being bitten by tiny little critters who are having a square dance on my palms. Now, before you ask whether or not I might have some sort of infestation, trust me, I don't. I've looked. As a matter of fact, I'm on the couch right now and I'm still having random itching.

Now, my dear hubby, Mikey, traditionally is a light sleeper. And by light I don't mean he wakes if I snore, I mean he wakes if I blink. I feel sorry for the poor guy. Insomnia stinks. So of course I try to ignore the itchiness so as not to disturb the dear. Enter a new problem. Noises. Ringing/roaring in my ears. I try to ignore this but ITS TOO QUIET. I want to turn on the tv to drown out that noise. Alas, that would wake the sleeping man next to me. Itching, scratching, TRAIN WHISTLE, ears roaring, cat bellowing for imaginary kittens, random fly buzzing around. AAAHHHH!!!!! WHAT WAS THAT? Oh, it was the remote I just rolled over. Enter giggling fit.

And I go to the couch. Which of course wakes him up, again. And he's frustrated, again. And its my fault, again.

Why? Why is he asleep and I'm not? Why is it that when he falls asleep first, even if I'm dog-tired, the second I hear that he is breathing that deep-sleep-breathing-thing he does, I'm wide awake? What is that???? I hate insomnia.

Good news is, I now know every episode of Fresh Prince and George Lopez. Nick at Nite is all that helps. They've sort of become my friends. I hear Urkle is coming at the end of June.